It’s a saying we have heard a million times: “You must love yourself before you can love another.” We have all heard it, we have all rolled our eyes at it, but only a few of us have truly opened up to it. Those who have are the happy and confident single people we glare at from afar, but secretly envy because of their uncanny ability to be cool, confident, and single.

Well my advice to you is: Don’t hate them. Become them.

Here are three tips to get you started:

1) Go back to the basics.

Chances are you were single and happy at some point in your life, such as your teenage years or childhood. Go back and revisit some of those hobbies you loved back then. Listen to your old power playlist, visit your old favorite restaurant you went to after school dances, pick up that violin collecting dust in the corner. When we rediscover hobbies and activities we used to love, we rediscover beautiful parts of ourselves that have long been covered. Take me for an example, I work at a teenage clothing store, and when I was feeling particularly empowered one day I played No Scrubs radio station on Pandora, and guess what? EVERYONE loved it, and asked what I was playing. This is because when you rediscover things you love about yourself, you invite others to learn interesting and unique things about you.This would not have happened to me if my only passion had remained being mopey about being single.

2) Honor yourself, and your alone time.

When you are single, you have much more time to do things for you. You want to redecorate your bedroom? Go ahead! You want to travel more? Bust out that passport! Being single is not a bad thing, it is a time period in your life where you can make good changes.So take this season of singleness to do those projects you have had shoved on the back burner for far too long. Not only will you begin to love yourself in the process, but you will be more prepared for true love when it comes strolling your way. Which it will, no doubt about it.

3) Realize what you have to gain.

You may feel discouraged because you have lost a boyfriend in the past, but you must realize what you have to gain. You are now free to rediscover yourself and all of your amazing qualities. You are free to turn a new page in your life and write this chapter how you decide. You are now available to feel the initial rush of mutual attraction, you can now look forward to your stomach being full of butterflies on the first date, and you can now look forward to being blessed with the first-kiss and innocence of a new found love. This mind-set will not only help you love yourself, but it will also help you out when you are ready to begin new relationships. Think about it, no one wants to be with a bitter person, so this period of singleness is giving you the time you need in order to love yourself, which will inevitably help others love you as well. You truly have so much to gain, and all you have lost is a man who wasn’t destined for the long haul anyway. Not a bad trade off in the end, is it?

So follow these three steps, love yourself, and allow others to fall in love with you too. Being single does not mean you are alone. It means you are following the brave path of choosing to love yourself wholly, before you accept a love that is anything below exactly what you deserve. Have faith that this period of singleness is a blessing, and have no fear that anything you have to gain in the future will be much better than anything that has been left behind.

*Just a closing thought: The next man you date may very well be the man you marry. If this is the case, you are going to be so grateful that you have had the time you needed in order to develop yourself and love yourself.*